Episode 6: Do Not Provoke
Parenting is holy, humbling work. This Wednesday, we’re taking an honest look at the ways we, as moms and dads, can unintentionally provoke or discourage the very children we love. Scripture warns us against this for a reason—because our words, our tone, and even the atmosphere of our homes form the world our kids grow up in.
In this episode, we walk through many common ways parents can wound a child’s heart, which are organized into six categories.
Our hope isn’t to shame anyone, but to offer a path toward healing and healthier connection. Trust us, we're still on this journey with you, learning and growing. I (Kayla) was genuinely convicted while editing this episode!
Bible Verses Mentioned:
Ephesians 6:4 - do not provoke your children
Colossians 3:21 - do not embitter
Proverbs 22:24 - do not make friends with a hot-tempered man
Hebrews 12:11 - discipline produces righteousness, peace
James 5:12 - let your yes be yes and your no be no
6 Categories of Provocation Discussed Today:
Marriage and Home Environment
Discipline and Consistency
Communication and Respect
Emotional and Relational Harm
Boundaries and Freedom
Role Reversals and Broken Trust
***A more detailed look below!
Resources That Helped Shape Our Conversation:
Desiring God - How Do I Not Provoke My Children?
Apostolic Christian Counseling & Family Services - 25 Ways to Provoke Anger
Our own stories and experiences
Recommended:
Ginger Hubbard - Her books and podcast are all encouraging resources.
How To Not Provoke Your Children - A sermon by Danny Johnson
Ways Parents Can Provoke or Discourage Their Children
1. Marital and Home Environment
• Lack of marital harmony
• Creating a child-centered home
• Making the household revolve around parents’ needs and moods
• Neglect – including spending too much time in ministry and not enough time at home
2. Discipline and Consistency
• Habitually disciplining while angry or in sinful anger (Proverbs 22:24 — “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man…”)
• Being inconsistent with discipline or applying double standards (hypocrisy)
• Using legalistic, harsh, or worldly methods of discipline not aligned with God’s Word
• Chastening publicly or shaming children in front of others
• Failing to keep promises related to discipline or rewards
3. Communication and Respect
• Scolding harshly or ridiculing, mocking, or name-calling
• Constantly finding fault without encouragement
• Not listening seriously to the child’s side or opinion
• Not making time to have open, loving conversations
• Not praising or encouraging the child (only demands, law)
• Overly-repetitive demands (nagging) can feel demeaning (if we are consistent in our discipline the need for nagging goes down)
4. Emotional and Relational Harm
• Modeling sinful anger or self-centered behaviors
• Not admitting when wrong or failing to ask for forgiveness
• Favoritism among siblings
• Comparing children unfairly to others
• Having unrealistic expectations or demanding perfection
5. Boundaries and Freedom
• Not allowing enough freedom for growth and decision-making
• Allowing too much freedom leading to chaos or lack of guidance
6. Role Reversals and Broken Trust
• Parents reversing God-given roles, expecting children to parent or serve them
• Taking advantage of children physically, sexually, or emotionally
• Discouraging truthful communication by not trusting or accusing children falsely
• Using unclear instructions or unspoken expectations that confuse or frustrate
You are WORTH what IT takes to heal AND you are NEVER ALONE
Love,
Kayla and June