What Honor Is (and Isn’t)
In this sidebar conversation, we dig into what the Bible really means when it commands us to honor our parents. Honor isn’t blind obedience, cultural manners, or enabling sinful behavior. It begins with honoring God first—valuing Him above family expectations, traditions, or demands.
We also discuss how “leave and cleave” matters for married adults, prayer transforms bitterness, and honoring sometimes requires firm boundaries or even distance when sin is unrepentant.
Whether your relationship with your parents is encouraging, complicated, or painful, this episode reminds you of one core truth: your worth isn’t defined by your family’s approval—you belong to God’s family first.
Quoted this article on gotquestions.org/
Quoted Bible Verses in ESV
11 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Ephesians 5:22—23 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Romans 13:1 - Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.
Exodus 20:12 - Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.
Ephesians 6:2—3 - “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Leviticus 19:32 - You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the LORD.
1 Timothy 5:17 - Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.
1 Thessalonians 5:12—13 - We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.
Romans 12:10 - Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
John 4:23 - But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.
Deuteronomy 6:4—5 - “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
Matthew 22:36—40 - “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
John 14:15—21 - “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”
What Honor Is NOT vs What Honor IS
Honor Is NOT
Approving or enabling sin – Passive avoidance, silent tolerance of abuse, or ignoring wrong behavior (Rom. 12:9). Obedience is only “in the Lord” (Eph. 6:1).
Honor IS
Clinging to what is good – Confronting sin biblically (Matt. 18:15-17), prioritizing God over family loyalty (Matt. 10:37), and forgiving when there is repentance (Luke 17:3-4).
Honor Is NOT
Becoming co-dependent or manipulated – Allowing parents to override God’s design for marriage (“leave and cleave,” Gen. 2:24; Eph 5:31).
Honor IS
Showing practical care and dignity – Meeting genuine needs without enabling sin (James 2:15-16). Providing first for your own household (1 Tim. 5:8).
Honor Is NOT
Seeking revenge – Retaliating or repaying evil for evil.
Honor IS
Leaving justice to God – Overcoming evil with good, feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty (Rom. 12:17-21; 1 Pet. 3:9).
Honor Is NOT
Lying or covering up the truth – Calling silence “honor” when it’s actually protecting sin.
Honor IS
Speaking the truth in love – Refusing to lie (Eph. 4:15; Col. 3:9), seeking justice and defending the oppressed (Isa. 1:17).
Honor Is NOT
Tearing down – Criticism meant to harm rather than build up.
Honor IS
Encouraging and building up – Using words that give grace (Eph. 4:29)
Honor Is NOT
Withholding prayer out of bitterness.
Honor IS
Praying for them – Including for salvation, even if they are acting like enemies (Matt. 5:44-45).
Honor Is NOT
Bitter retaliation when insulted for your faith.
Honor IS
Rejoicing in persecution – If maligned for following Jesus, respond with joy (Matt. 5:11-12).
Honor Is NOT
Blind compliance at all costs – Mistaking “peace” for doing whatever they say.
Honor IS
Pursuing peace when possible – As far as it depends on you, live at peace (Rom. 12:17-18), without compromising obedience to God.
Honor Is NOT
Clinging to anger – Letting bitterness fester.
Honor IS
Resolving anger quickly – Guarding against the devil’s foothold (Eph. 4:26-27).
Honor Is NOT
Self-righteousness – Forgetting our own capacity for sin.
Honor IS
Humility – Remembering we have all fallen short (Rom. 3:23; 12:3).
Honor Is NOT
Keeping close company with the angry or immoral – Ignoring biblical warnings not to walk with an angry person (Prov. 22:24-25) or to associate with someone claiming to be a believer yet living in unrepentant sin (1 Cor. 5:11). Companions of fools suffer harm (Prov 13:20)
Honor IS
Choosing wise company – Walking with the wise (Prov. 13:20) and stimulate one another toward love and good works (Heb. 10:24-25).
Thank you for being here today.
You are worth what it takes to heal, and you are never alone.
Love,
Kayla and June