Episode 15 - When Words Wound

Written By Kayla Rohrer

"When Words Wound"

What Not to Say to Trauma Survivors

…and what actually helps

When someone shares their story of abuse or trauma, the response they receive can either bring healing or create a kind of secondary suffering.

In this episode of Brave Haven, we unpack the most common hurtful, dismissive, and spiritually misapplied phrases survivors often hear, and explain why they land so painfully. From minimizing comments to victim-blaming and “spiritual clichés,” we respond in real time as honestly and biblically as we can.

But we don’t stop there.

We also walk through what actually helps: how to support someone in suffering with presence, truth, and compassion.

If you’ve ever:

  • Wondered why certain comments hit so deeply

  • Struggled with what to say to someone in pain

  • Been told to “just forgive” or “move on”

  • Or questioned how faith fits into healing from trauma

This episode is for you.

❤️ Helpful Ways to Support a Survivor

  • Be present (you don’t need perfect words)

  • Listen before speaking

  • Validate their experience (“I believe you”)

  • Offer prayer

  • Provide specific, practical help

  • Exercise discernment and patience

🚩 Harmful Phrases Discussed

  • "Are you sure that happened?"

  • “It wasn’t that bad.”

  • “At least…”

  • “You should be over it by now.”

  • “God meant for that to happen.”

  • “You need to forgive and move on.”

  • “Don’t air your family’s dirty laundry.”

  • “They did the best they could.”

  • “Blood is thicker than water.”

📖 Scriptures Referenced

  • Job 2:13 – Presence before words

  • Romans 12:15 – "Weep with those who weep"

  • Galatians 6:2 – Carry One Another's Burdens

  • Philippians 4:8 – Redirecting anxious thoughts

  • Romans 3:23 – "For all have sinned"

  • Matthew 10:37 – Allegiance to Christ

  • Luke 10:25-37 – The Good Samaritan

📚 Resources Mentioned

Henderson Series:

  1. ⁠⁠Defining Trauma Biblically - John Henderson⁠⁠

  2. ⁠⁠Experience and Expression of Trauma from Childhood⁠⁠

  3. ⁠⁠Body Truly Matters and the Heart Truly Determines⁠⁠

  4. ⁠⁠Ministry of the Word to Survivors of Childhood Trauma⁠⁠

  5. ⁠⁠Handling the Past Biblically (Applied to Severe Childhood Abuse) - Steve Viars⁠

⁠John Delony⁠: A Dave Ramsey personality specializing in mental health and crisis response.

🔑 Some Key Takeaways

  • Your healing does not have a deadline

  • Biblical lament acknowledges real pain

  • Forgiveness is a process

  • Boundaries can be wise and godly

  • Telling the truth is not dishonoring

  • Sin belongs to the sinner, not the victim

  • God's Word speaks louder than human opinion

YOU ARE WORTH what IT takes to heal

AND you are NEVER ALONE 💛

-Kayla and June

📢 Share & Support

If this episode encouraged you, share it with someone who needs language for what they’ve experienced or guidance on how to support others well.

Kayla Rohrer
Next

Episodes 13 and 14 - “Where Did You Go?” and “Not Yet.”