Episodes 13 and 14 - “Where Did You Go?” and “Not Yet.”
“Where Did You Go?” Recognizing Trauma Triggers in a Relationship
Something kept happening in our conversations...and I didn’t have the words yet to explain why.
Early in our relationship, there were moments that didn’t quite make sense. Emotional reactions that didn’t match the situation, silence where there should have been words, and questions neither of us knew how to answer yet.
We worked on recognizing the signs:
What it looked like when I didn’t have words
How AJ noticed patterns
The difference between intentional behavior and trauma responses
Why curiosity (not accusation) matters in early conversations
We also share real, everyday moments: miscommunication, emotional shutdown, and even a simple cooking mistake. All of which revealed there was something underneath the surface.
If you’ve ever wondered:
“Why did I react that way?”
“Why does my partner shut down or seem to disappear?”
“How do you respond when something doesn’t make sense?”
You’re not alone.
“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”— 1 Thessalonians 5:14
“Not Yet” Navigating Triggers, Trust, and Communication
In Part 2 of this conversation, Kayla and AJ move beyond recognizing trauma triggers and into what it actually looks like to live with them inside a healthy, growing marriage.
What does it take to build trust when triggers are unpredictable? How do you communicate when you're not ready to talk? And how can both spouses take responsibility without falling into codependency?
Together, they share practical tools, real-life examples, and the rhythms they've developed over a decade of marriage—navigating everything from early communication struggles to the ongoing challenges of writing, parenting, and healing in real time.
This episode explores:
How simple phrases like “not yet” created safety in hard moments
The role of boundaries, pauses, and “unfinished conversations”
Supporting a spouse without trying to fix them
Recognizing triggers early and responding with wisdom
Avoiding codependency while still loving sacrificially
How healing evolves over time (and doesn’t just “end”)
Navigating new triggers in parenting and everyday life
Why your spouse can be your “home field advantage,” but not your Savior
Whether you're a survivor or someone who loves one, this conversation offers hope, clarity, and practical ways to move forward together.
YOU ARE WORTH what IT takes to heal
AND you are NEVER ALONE
-Kayla and AJ