Signs of Abuse
In this episode of Brave Haven, we explore the signs of abuse and how to recognize them—whether in children, teens, or adults. We discuss emotional, sexual, and physical abuse, and share practical questions to help identify concerning patterns of behavior in relationships.
You can access the sex offender registry here.If you’re experiencing abuse and need immediate support, you can find help here.
We also referenced the pamphlet Help! Someone I Love Has Been Abused by Jim Newheiser, a trusted Christian counselor and author who has guided countless families through understanding and responding to abuse and trauma.
An overview of our discussion/quiz questions:
Are you being abused emotionally?
1. Are you constantly criticized?
2. Is the blame mostly shifted onto you?
3. Is guilt, anger, or pity used to manipulate you? Does this person withhold affection or attention to control you?
4. Does this person make you feel like you’re ‘too sensitive,’ ‘crazy,’ or ‘overreacting”?
5. Are you being isolated or enduring jealousy when you spend time with others?
6. Are you belittled/humiliated in public and/or private?
7. Are you being emotionally blackmailed—your emotions or vulnerabilities exploited?
8. Is the person in question unpredictable?
9. Is there little to no concern for your well-being?
10. Are you being constantly controlled or monitored?
11. Do you find yourself making excuses for this person’s behavior?
12. Are you being treated condescendingly, disrespectfully?
13. Do you feel intimidated or threatened? Do you feel anxious or afraid around them, even when nothing seems wrong?
14. Does this person lead you to feel worthless? Do you feel like you can’t do anything right?
15. Are you experiencing physical symptoms or trauma as a result of ongoing emotional distress or fear?
Are you being abused or harassed sexually?
1. Has anyone ever pressured or forced you into sexual activity without your full consent?
2. Does your “no” seem to mean nothing? Do you feel obligated to say yes out of fear, guilt, or to ‘keep the peace’?
3. Do you experience unwanted romantic advances? Does this person ignore your boundaries or make comments about your body that make you uncomfortable?
Are you being physically abused?
1. Has anyone ever hit, shoved, slapped, shaken, or restrained you in anger?
2. Are you being threatened? Do you feel like you have to ‘walk on eggshells’ to keep them from getting angry?
3. Has this person made it clear they can or will dominate you in some way? Do they ever use force or intimidation to maintain control?
4. Are you being harmed on purpose? Do you have unexplained injuries or find yourself making excuses for them?
Signs someone is being emotionally abused:
1. Extreme behavioral changes, such as aggression, passivity, anxiety, or withdrawal.
2. Low view of self and lack of confidence, excessive self-blame, apologizing frequently.
3. Difficulty controlling emotions or displaying inappropriate emotional responses.
4. Risk-taking or self-harm behaviors; suicide attempts.
5. Delayed emotional or physical development.
6. Bed-wetting or frequent nightmares, not sleeping well.
7. Showing signs of stress or appearing scatter-brained, lack of concentration.
8. Sudden changes in school or work performance, attendance, and motivation.
9. Lack of attachment to parents or caregivers.
10. Loss of interest in activities or people they once enjoyed.
11. Over-focusing on others' needs or being overly eager to please.
12. Substance abuse.
13. Someone in their life over-monitoring them or constantly in contact with them.
14. Overly rigid daily routine, especially if it seems dictated by someone else.
15. Feeling like nothing they do is ever good enough or being told they are worthless.
16. Defending someone’s actions, making excuses, or minimizing what’s happening.
17. Reluctance to be alone with a particular person.
Sexual Abuse Signs:
1. Difficulty walking or sitting.
2. Pain, bleeding, itching, or swelling in the genital area.
3. Undergarments torn, stained, or having blood in them.
4. Sudden changes in behavior, such as refusing to go to school or running away.
5. Inappropriate sexual knowledge or behavior for their age.
6. Making sexually explicit comments, changes in sexual behavior or attitude.
7. Pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, especially in children under 14.
8. Foreign bodies in genital or rectal openings.
Physical Abuse Signs:
1. Unexplained injuries such as bruises, burns, bites, or broken bones.
2. Restraint injuries, like marks on the wrists.
3. Reluctance to explain injuries or fear of returning home.
4. Wearing concealing clothing in warm weather.
5. Flinching or shrinking away from touch.
6. Abusing animals or pets.
Signs of an abuser:
1. Overly interested in a particular child(ren).
2. Pushing fast for trust, intimacy, or physical affection; disregarding discomfort.
3. Creating secrecy or finding ways to be alone with a child(ren).
4. Treating child(ren) in an overly grown-up way, or creating inappropriate emotional responsibility (e.g., “You understand me better than anyone.”)
5. Using secrecy as a tool to get their way, saying things like, “This is our little secret, don’t tell anyone or we’ll both be in trouble.”
6. Giving inappropriate gifts; not age appropriate.
7. Overstepping professional roles to get close to a child(ren); excessive contact outside appropriate contexts.
8. Having a “savior” complex, using roles to manipulate under guise of concern.
9. Seemingly testing limits and slowly pushing boundaries over time. Questionable behaviors escalate as they build trust with parents, schools, or churches (Sometimes leading to situations where they can be alone with children unsupervised.)
10. Taking photos or videos without consent, especially in private moments.
11. Disregarding parental rules and authority. Sneaking treats, access to content, or freedoms the parent has forbidden.
12. Emotionally volatile, especially when they perceive resistance. Kind in public but degrading/violent in private.
13. Using guilt or intimidation tactics to control, saying things like, “After all I’ve done for you,” or, “You made me do this,” or, “Your parents would be mad at you if they knew you did that.”
14. Making inappropriate jokes about children, touching, or consent. Inappropriate comments about appearance of child(ren) or teen(s). Defending those who do the same.
15. Concerning history: pattern of past allegations, secrecy about background, restraining orders in place, police reports, or a registered sex offender.
16. Blaming others for problems, refusing accountability in relationships, work, stress, child(ren).
17. Dismissive of other’s pain, mocking or harming the vulnerable. Self-absorbed.
18. Condescending and demanding respect from people they view as inferior (by race, religion, position, etc.) Feels entitled, like they are “owed” someone’s affection or body.
19. Makes others question their reality, twisting facts. Making others question their sanity (gaslighting).
20. Hypersensitive to criticism, easily offended, sometimes to the point of cruelty or vengefulness.
Resources Used to Adapt the Quizzes:
You are worth what it takes to heal,and you are never alone.
Love,
Kayla and June